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Relational communication skills training!
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If you have some "phunnies" you'd like to submit, please send them to lisa@phonepro.com and we'll share the laughs!

And now for something more serious...

Re-training? Really?

Put on your consultant hat and invite the manager to chat about the situation. There are some important considerations to look at before signing folks up for a return trip to the same class. First, look at the message sent to the returning staff person and their colleagues. Is a return trip for re-training a signal to everyone of failure the first time? Do other staff members think management is clueless about how to help this person?

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Cartoon by Randy Glasbergen, used with special permission from the cartoonist. Unauthorized usage of any kind is prohibited and unlawful.

I THINK I'VE DIAGNOSED THE REAL PROBLEM
Actual dialogue of a (former) software Customer Support employee and Customer.
Operator: Computer assistance; may I help you?
Caller: Yes, well, I'm having trouble with (the software).
Operator: What sort of trouble?
Caller: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
went away.
Operator: Went away?
Caller: They disappeared
Operator: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
Caller: Nothing.
Operator: Nothing?
Caller: It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.
Operator: Are you still in the program, or did you get out?
Caller: How do I tell?
Operator: Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?
Caller: What's a sea-prompt?
Operator: Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?
Caller: There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.
Operator: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
Caller: What's a monitor?
Operator: It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller: I don't know.
Operator: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Caller: Yes, I think so.
Operator: Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: Yes, it is.
Operator: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
Caller: No.
Operator: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
Caller: Okay, here it is.
Operator: Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.
Caller: I can't reach.
Operator: OK. Well, can you see if it is?

Caller: No.
Operator: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?
Caller: Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle.  It's because it's dark.
Operator: Dark?
Caller: Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
Operator: Well, turn on the office light then.
Caller: I can't.
Operator: No? Why not?
Caller: Because there's a power failure.
Operator: A power ...... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?
Caller: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
Operator: Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Caller: Really? Is it that bad?
Operator: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
Caller: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
Operator: Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!

CAN YOU SPEAK(ER) UP?
I had a lady call requesting information and delivery information about our product and here's how it went:
Operator: Thank you for calling, how may we help you?
Caller: I have questions about your containers and bringing one out to my house.
Operator: Sure, what are your questions?
(I hear rustling in the background against the receiver) 

Caller: Can you hold a second?

(2 seconds later)
Caller: Thanks...I had to put you on speaker phone because I am partially deaf in one ear.

I started laughing and didn't have the guts to ask her the next obvious question...

A SENIOR MOMENT
One evening I received a call from a very sweet elderly lady. Apparently her son had given her a computer along with our web site address so she could book airline tickets to visit him. I was expecting the typical request for help in navigating our web site. To my surprise she stated, "Honey, I only have one question. How do I turn this thing on?"

WHEREVER YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE.
One day while answering phones in our call center I received a call from the phone company testing our lines. The caller said, "We're running a test and I show you have two different call center sites — one in Florida and one in Virginia. Do you know where you are?" Fighting back laughter, I said " I certainly hope so!"

YOU TALKING TO ME!
I took this call in a cellular phone call center.
Caller: I can't make outbound calls on my cell phone.
Rep: Do you have the phone with you?
Caller: Yes, I'm talking on it right now.
Rep: The phone is working just fine. You just called me.
The embarrassed caller quickly hung up.

OTIS WITHOUT HIS WARRANTY
I work in the consumer complaint division of an automotive repair company. It's sometimes difficult to resolve consumer issues at a franchise store. (Since it's not corporately owned, we can't force them to take action. We often have to persuade the manager to make good on a poor repair.) One customer complained that our franchise operator wouldn't replace the transmission in his riding lawn mower. I sent an E-mail to the store manager and received this response:

The customer in question is the town drunk. His driver's license has been revoked for years. I wondered why it was showing such wear, but I still replaced the transmission in his mower twice! Recently I discovered him riding it, along the shoulder of the road, to his favorite "watering hole," which is eleven miles away! 11 mile journeys are not a legitimate use of riding mowers, and I am not going to replace his transmission again!

Source: Readers of The Phone Phunnies

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